Friday, February 03, 2006

Dimensions of Love

Life’s challenges are really unique. You are left to choose between being with your family and eking out an independent existence on your own; you are to choose between the one you love for no reason and the people who love you for no reason; you are to choose between spending time with your loved ones or seeing them happy – the human heart wishes for a co-existence of all of this but probably will not know what to do if this wish gets fulfilled. While it is true that the essence of a relationship is not where you reach flying on its wings but enjoying the flight, for me a relationship should move towards achieving a state when both people can be completely at ease being their own self in company of the other person (the company being virtual or a reality). To touch the innermost core of a human heart gives life a different beauty, and probably this is the reason why it is very difficult – for one, we are inclined to close shutters on some feelings and some memories in our life, afraid of the demons that will come out if those doors are opened – and on the other hand, we are not prepared to completely know the other – we feel that if we uncover something that we do not like, then will our relationship be the same ever again? Doing something for the one you love is given a lot of importance – and it is important, no doubt but when you start comparing whether you love someone more or he/she loves you more, probably you end up feeling bad one way or the other – the most visible example is the love of a mother – she loves her child no matter what and even though she feels hurt if her child does something which she does not like or agree with, she continues to love her child the same way – I wish more relationships could imbibe the beauty of this love.Paradoxical of course is the fact that if you truly love someone, you are supposed to also try to understand the person – what I call as loving a person from “inside out” rather than “outside in” – some of the disappointment that this feeling gives rise to is because we associate understanding with expectation – and then we go on a downward spiral. “If he loves me, he is supposed to understand and if he does not show that, then what good is his love” is as despondent as “He loves me so much that even when I am rude to him, he continues to love me and therefore I am not worthy of his love and respect” . I wish it could be just a conviction that “I love him” or “He loves me” and let the actions speak for themselves. The other aspect is those who say that there is lot of suffering in love. They are right, but only to a limited extent. They suffer because they conceived their love in only one or few forms, and did not open themselves up to the numerous dimensions that love can take. Their love is great, but if they are able to raise themselves up beyond the boundaries that they have set for themselves, they will learn the truth of the statement – “If you love somebody, set them free – if they return, they love you – otherwise they were never yours”.Those who have cried out of anguish/pain/sorrow/happiness/completeness in love are blessed for they have touched the depths of their feelings in a way that they never knew and knowing those moments has lent much more strength than they could amass in a million lifetimes, but they would probably look back and think that I suffered like this because I loved – and in this thought, they will have become more weak than they actually are....